Be Still, When Nothing Else Is.

The other day I was having a rough afternoon with my toddler (though it honestly could have been today, we have those days often) and after her nap was an hour too short, I was desperate for some peace. Being an only child she doesn’t play by herself well at all, and her constant demand is either, “Up! Up!” or “Momma, sit down!” So, because I am close to six months pregnant and she is heavy, I try to sit down as much as possible. On this particular day I decided we would color.

I handed Naomi some paper on the living room chest next to me and pulled out the markers. Creativity has been elusive and frustrating for me for some time now, but coloring is easy. And I decided I needed to give my mind and heart some rest while my daughter was occupied. I picked a page from my flowers n’ scripture book, one that said, “Be Still and Know.” Seemed like a good peaceful verse to meditate on while my one-year-old played with markers. It is part of Psalms 46:10, which says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!” It’s one of my favorites because we are small and need to be reminded of it, and because God is GOD. He is Creator, He is Sustainer, He is Lord. But also, it is one of my favorites because my mind is never still…there is always something with which I’m wrestling and if I am not focused on Christ and who He is and who He says I am, it leads to my sin of not trusting Him: anxiety, worry, despair.
But here’s the deal. As a mom, I go day to day reaching for those quiet times…early morning, naptime, bedtime. I LIVE for those times. I stay up late because I want to be awake in a quiet house just a little bit longer before I have to wake up and do it all over again. I covet quiet. And partly it’s because I want “me” time, but it’s also because the quiet times are the only times I feel I can be with Jesus. That’s when I “feel” the Spirit, that’s when I think I’m focused, that’s when I feel like my prayers are most effective. But life isn’t always quiet.
I felt my shoulders relax as I gently filled in a petal with a soft lavender. I breathed and let myself smile a little as I moved on to line a word in deep wine. I thanked the Lord for my happy girl beside me and for color and for beauty and for art and…
“Voo voo voo voo!” said Naomi as she reached across my lap and swiped a thick, gnarly line of green across my beautiful page. I gasped and let my mouth hang open. My peace was gone, my perfect coloring job ruined, and I was about to yell. But then the soft nudge of the Holy Spirit told me, “Hey, you’re enjoying a moment with your girl. She’s still happy. It’s just a coloring book. And I’m here even when things aren’t peaceful. Be still.”
So instead of saying, “GIRL, Mommy was finally artsing HARD what is your problem?!” I turned to look in her giggling blue eyes and smiled back, gave her a squeeze, and adjusted my lap so she could help me with my work.
Jesus, help my heart and my mind to be still and honor You as God when physically, I cannot rest. Help me to be still and hear Your voice when emotionally, I am hurt and frustrated. Help me to be still and seek Your face when mentally, I am exhausted. Help me to be still and remember Your truth when spiritually, I am worn out. And help me to be still and let my will go when creatively, I don’t get my way.

2 Responses to “Be Still, When Nothing Else Is.”

  1. Rachel says:

    I love your words. ❤️

  2. Rachel says:

    I love your words ❤️❤️