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Be Still, When Nothing Else Is.

The other day I was having a rough afternoon with my toddler (though it honestly could have been today, we have those days often) and after her nap was an hour too short, I was desperate for some peace. Being an only child she doesn’t play by herself well at all, and her constant demand is either, “Up! Up!” or “Momma, sit down!” So, because I am close to six months pregnant and she is heavy, I try to sit down as much as possible. On this particular day I decided we would color. I handed Naomi some paper on the living room chest next to me and pulled out the markers....
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Someone Likes Me

I like to be liked. I’ve always been a people-pleaser and the goody-good middle child. But I’ve never been afraid to speak my mind or disagree with someone, either. So, wanting to be liked has slowly turned into simply wanting to be INTERESTING. I want to fascinate you, I want to make you think, and I want you to care about my thoughts and feelings because I drown in them every single day and need to SHARE THEM. But pursuing my gifts and hobbies only to get attention is an unhealthy endeavor. Right? We all know this. For the past few months I have craved to write but...
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Souls Over Freedom

The primary topic of my prayers these days is safety and protection. I pray constantly that God would watch over and protect my baby, my husband, myself, and our families. And whenever we or our loved ones are in the middle of a trial, I pray for deliverance. This is normal. This is good. God hears these prayers, and I know I can trust Him no matter what. But I think when I focus on physical safety, I so often miss the mark of what my Almighty God might be accomplishing through the circumstances. I rarely thank Him for trials or stop to see the opportunities they bring...
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Missionary Rejects

The most uncomfortable place for me to be is the pit of nothingness at the bottom of the hill of failed expectations below a big, ugly, closed door. The place where our three-year plan all of a sudden dissolves and we’re left scrambling for a three-month plan. Since October of 2014, Bub and I have been pursuing a two-year commitment on a ship with Operation Mobilization (OM). The Logos Hope is a 400-passenger vessel that sails from port to port around the world as a literature-based ministry, bringing encouragement and hope in the name of Jesus wherever they land. But...
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First Baby Birth

My husband says he probably remembers Naomi’s birth better than I do. And after I huff and puff and remind him that I went through it all and I was the one to push our 9-pounder out after 23 hours of labor and 1.5 hours of pushing, I realize he’s probably right. Because well, he had to deal with me the whole time. I got to zone out mentally while my body freaked out, and he had to hold me, rub me, sway me, feed me. Maybe he should be writing this! But nah, here I am. I just had a mental image of me slopping through a muddy slough looking for pieces to a puzzle…pieces to...
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Stay Out of the Pit, Mom.

I’m only seven months in, but I think I’ll be trying to process motherhood for a long time. The deep sadness and despair I felt for the first three weeks is something I will never fully understand, and I hope I never go through it again. It is strange, isn’t, moms? How we bring brand new, beautiful life into the world, and some of us spend the next 1-12 months so utterly DEPRESSED? I don’t get it. I really don’t. We went through a battle of sorts, we shed blood, we experienced trauma, but…my family is safe and healthy. I didn’t experience war. I have HELP. I am not ALONE....
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Feed that baby!

Dude, breastfeeding is hard. I never, ever expected it to be as hard as it is. Sure, I knew it could be painful at the beginning, but most everyone in my social spheres were strong advocates and it felt like a no-brainer. All I ever heard was, “it’s so natural! It’s so amazing! It’s the greatest feeling ever! It’s the best way to bond with your baby!” Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. Why WOULDN’T I choose the natural, beautiful, healthy, cheap, God-ordained option for feeding my baby? Well, this is my first breastfeeding story. I specify my first because I hope to have...
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I wanted to be a…

For most of my life, I have felt like a bowl with a random bunch of spices inside.  What dish am I supposed to be? Lamb tagine? Miso soup? Chicken cordon bleu? Thankfully, I am the pan and not the cook. God chooses the ingredients; it just takes me awhile to realize what He’s making of me. And just when I think I can taste it, He adds something new. Sometimes I just need to walk around as a stew that doesn’t make sense, before I get the finishing touches. The first 23 years of my life made up quite the stew. As a child, my great love was animals. I wanted to be a...